Monday, September 27, 2010

Ourselves Under Pressure

I mentioned in one of my early posts that I started blogging to bleed off a backlog of frustration and sarcasm before my head exploded.  The good news: It seems to be working; I feel much better, thank you very much.  The bad news: Relieving this built-up pressure has apparently also impaired my sense of humor.

This is reasonable, if you think about it for a moment.  When life sucks because I've lost my wallet and found an extra 10 pounds, satire is easy.  When everything is flowing smoothly, I start thinking happy thoughts about cream-colored ponies frolicking under a rainbow in clover-scented meadows, and what's funny about that?  For those among you who do think ponies are funny, here are some additional examples:

Bad Times - FUNNY
Good Times - NOT AS FUNNY
Losing 13 right-handed mittens and one left-handed glove during a single winter
Moving to Arizona so I’ll never need mittens or gloves again
Accidentally washing one of the red napkins in the white load, permanently tinting the best tablecloth and all the underwear bright pink
Investing in paper napkins and plastic tablecloths which never need to be laundered
Forgetting baked beans in the pressure cooker until it blows, leaving the kitchen looking like a victim of the St. Valentine’s Day massacre
Buying Bush’s beans and a can-opener
Breaking out in head-to-toe hives at a professional conference after receiving a penicillin shot
Having the last word with the doctor who said, “It probably won’t kill you.”
Nightmares of being chased through the streets of post-apocalypse Manhattan by giant moaning credit cards
Dreams in which the noise of Barry’s CPAP machine becomes the roar of the Caribbean pounding a white sand beach

I guess I'll just have to wait for disaster to strike again; based on past experience, I shouldn't have to wait very long.

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five. ~ Stephen Wright

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